The Crashing Universe

The Universe (or God…..whatever…blog for another day) is an amazing place sometimes. All the time, really.  I am struck with awe occasionally when things collide providing symmetry to set me straight.

As you may know, I have a short term writing goal… public platform, build website and blog, publish the rest of the Hard Compliance series.  I have given myself a year off of job hunting for a new job to pursue this “writing thing.”  I want to see if this fun that I am having will ever buy me a beach house, allow me to quit my job to write f/t, pay for the beautiful Mac I write on….or…..even just a dinner out.  The only way to find out….do it. So that is what I am doing.

In this pursuit….my life has changed. A lot. (see…I don’t always swear….I could have said “a shit-ton” there) it has improved in every single way.  I don’t even hate the job I have as much as I did before I set this goal. I am happier than I have ever been. I am letting go of baggage and weight like I am living in reverse… it never even happened.  I feel so free I almost want to get one of those cheesy butterfly tattoos I have always mocked. I have never been so joyous……I totally understand the butterfly tattoo now. Anyway……I had one big WORRY left…..retirement and how to fund it. Or in  my case… until the day I die drinking cheap wine.

But, a funny thing happened…..I got so good at getting out of my box that I came up with a new retirement plan. I still want to live on the beach. But, if I can’t afford the beach house…I can afford a trailer and truck. I can sell my house, maybe buy a smaller investment property and live on the road. I could expound….but, another blog I think.

I have gotten pretty serious about completing my writing goal especially now that I may have a viable option for retirement.  Soon.  5 years. Well…you never get anywhere if you don’t set a goal.  Funny thing, as I tell people about my plan…..they don’t listen or ask questions (which is really my whole problem in life anyway) they just immediately start to tell me why this is a bad idea…and they always inevitably ask…what will I do when I’m 80?…Dunno….rest home? Live with a kid? Friend? Drive the car and trailer off a cliff like Thelma and Louise?…For someone who is still excited that she got to stand on a corner in Winslow, Az….might be perfect end.

So….(I’m getting there…promise)……last night a close friend came over. Looking back, I see she was not in a great mood. We had wine. A lot of wine. After she shit all over my retirement plan…..and it is so good and so well thought out…..she said, “your writing is never going to get you anywhere….” at the top of her lungs. While she was flinging wine across the room with her wildly gesturing arms…..okay…I made the last 2 up….but, it is how I still see it in my head.   I was stunned.

When I woke up this morning….I talked myself down….I know my dream may seem weird and unattainable to some. Their futures look different than mine. They have husbands. 2 incomes. Retirement plans. I don’t want to work until I die…..  I know also that most people are so entrenched in their boxes….that they think things have to be done a certain way. (WHY?  WHY? I say.  Another blog.)

I started to read “Happier Than a Billionaire”… me hope for my plan. I was feeling pretty good about my self-talk but, there was some lingering doubt about whether or not I had any chance……(she was so loud and seemed so sure….or, that is what I heard.)

So…..thanks for waiting…..I am almost to my point……

I am cleaning the “desktop” of my laptop….I’m old… is where I used to put stuff so I could “find” it again. I’m no longer that technologically impaired…but, the habit dies hard, I guess.  I see a doc that I do not recall.  I start reading it.  It is hazy in my head. I’m thinking….wow…..this is pretty good. I discover that I wrote a fantastic hook in it. Title of next book probably. It is really good.

I checked to see the date I wrote it…  Hmmm….I immediately went to “how late did you stay up drinking and writing last night that you don’t remember? Maybe you do have a drinking problem”……I check the year…….2016.  Today’s date. A year ago.  I checked the time….just for fun…..0123456…..each used once. Book 6 is the only book published.

That was a huge crash in my universe….A huge grin erupted on my face…..I am on the write/right path. Who knows where I will end up….but, I am going the write/right way. And, I am thankful for my friend.  She kicked my butt in gear and accelerated my plan.  I will get to my goal sooner.  And, it will be sweeter……she isn’t the only one not impressed by my new career or retirement plan. Now……what to do if she wants to stay at the beach house?

2 thoughts on “The Crashing Universe”

  1. Gosh, nothing like a negative situation turning into an empowering good life lesson experience! Who woulda thunk? Cheers to that one! You have proven to yourself through this blog that you are right where you’re supposed to be. You are an author on her way. The irony was eerie in that moment but truth. Look how far you’ve come in one year. Happy anniversary of that growth and look how much you have on paper. I hate that you went through that moment (in that moment) but 100% happy you went through it. Write on girly!

  2. Change is one of the hardest things, whether you’re the one making it or for those around you. Your spirit is commendable, to believe in something so strongly that you are willing to take that leap. Faith, belief in your talent or the need to live that dream. The worse thing is not about how you will live when retirement hits, it’s looking back at all you could have accomplished if only you’d taken the risk. Hang what will be. Live a life true to you to write/right. You are fantastic. You are brilliant. And you are your dream. You go girl and you never stop 😊

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