Where Have You Been All of My Life?

What is it with me and blondes lately?  Seriously.  I have never really had a “type”……I have dated them all. Well…not like that.  But, Dexter Holland, lead singer of the Offspring, is the blond that started my downward (?) spiral.

Dex, Dex, Dex….where have you been all of my life? I feel a little too old to have a teenage crush on a rockstar….but, this one….you are going to love him too. And….he is perfect for me…..

First…..let’s start with who he is for the uninitiated….the Offspring is a punk/surf/skater/metal mariachi/ska Southern California rock band. Most of you are going to say….”Never heard of them. Now or when you mentioned them a few blogs back. They must be new.”

“They are not fucking new”…..I state incredulously….really…this is one of the most underrated bands I have ever seen.  They have been around almost 30 years……Still don’t know why I get so irritated, though. Here is their first hit; my current favorite – the first verse is genius; discourse on “kids today”; the one you know.

I probably should have started with the most important thing…he has the cutest dimples. OMG…the cutest….and, I don’t really even like them.  This kid must have gotten away with everything when he was younger……I had no idea dimples would translate so well on an aging rockstar. (For years I listened to this band. A dimpled, baby faced blond was not at all who I pictured in my head until a few years ago.)

So, I went back…..OMG was he cute back in his day (like I said….where has he been?).  He and I are the same age, but he graduated a year later than I (I was a prodigy—I skipped Kindergarten) as class Valedictorian….I wasn’t the class smarty pants….it was an all girls College Prep school…we were all smarty pants….I did okay, but not top of my class. Funny…looking back (trying to describe my studenting) I would say my sister was the troublemaker, I was the angel. Not really so….2 troublemakers. It is probably a good thing we didn’t hang out much back then….apart we were minor little rebels, together….who knows?

Just for drill….he would have been perfect for me back then…sans the blond hair. I was dating a ginger who couldn’t get his life together so I walked. Dex was smart and he played in rebel band. Mostly I would have loved bringing him home because Mom wouldn’t have been able to find fault. She sure liked that other valedictorian I brought home. He is an actual doctor now. But, I digress.

Like many rock stars…these boys started a band with no musical training. Youth. I think their original drummer left the band to become an OB/GYN….a drummer with a medical license to do those things? Thank the rock gods he left before that happened!

I could write about Dex, my current crush, for days (need a new publicist, Dex?).  But, I want to tell you my two favorite things about him……well….after those dimples….#1 is his songwriting ability……seriously…..the Worst Hangover Ever….making deals with God, I’ll do anything….I swear….he wrote and sings what was in my 25 year old hungover head. Great song and well delivered. Why it is not a headbanger’s anthem, I have no idea. Truly, if you listen to his songs, really listen…..he isn’t advocating a loser, punk/rock lifestyle of drugs, sex, and joblessness. He is marching against it….raging against the machine (see what I did there?) of apathy and attitude. He lives his life the same way. Doctorate and all. #2…..that Doctorate. I love that he pursued school while working in a punk band. You have no idea how hard that is. Remember how hard it was to go to college AND party? This guy was getting good grades and fronting a punk band. I’m impressed. I can just hear his parents…and his friends…And, then, he had to decide between his 2 loves…..and, he chose music, the creative one….which I adore. And, then…..after he had conquered that, he put it on pause and he went back to finish school.  See, Mom and Dad……just because you drop out…doesn’t mean you won’t go back and finish some day…..Dex did it….and, I adore that. So…..you know…he is pissing parents off….

He kinda is the real punk rocker…..raging against their own attitudes and lifestyle.

Of course…I bought their 3rd and 5th album and then really got into  them when teaching the girl all she needs to know about music……late to the party.

Also worthy to note……he was/is married to a hair stylist……shocker!  I was on to something with my Rockstar Mondays….has-band or not…in my….I have a Muse blog.


Went out for my birthday lunch to check out a local bar….without my glasses…”Is that Dexter Holland’s hot sauce on the bar?”…25 year old waitress, just because I look like your mom doesn’t mean I am your mom……and……man, that guy is everywhere I go…..

Are you stalking me, Dex? You don’t need to.  According to Wiki we are a perfect match…call me. If I’m going to date a singer, it might as well be you.

Say It Ain’t So

There are so many themes that ribbon themselves through my life.  One is….I am always late to the party.  Not the real party (I am the worst guest……I show up early to help and stay when it’s over to help…really.  You have to tell me to go the fuck home.  And, people have.) What I mean is….I am always discovering something “new.”  I walk around on a cloud (I still possess some of that wide-eyed wonder of a child on Christmas morning) and am so happy.  I want to tell everyone.  The do not care.  I stand around in bliss and think, “Eh…they will follow me down the road eventually.”  

And, then….whatever it is….Sublime….discovered months later that they had already lost their lead singer. Friends….the tv show. I found it way after everyone else. I found Hootie and No Doubt and Matchbox 20….all on Behind the Music.  If you are old enough, you know what that means……has-bands already.  And, that is my point.  I am always the last to know.  Freddie Mercury died of AIDS.  When I expressed surprise to my sister that Freddie was gay, she replied, “My God Bianca, the band’s name was ‘Queen.’”  Rob Halford had been out of the closet….perhaps it was the movie “Rockstar” who spilled it for me.  I could go on and on (you know I can)…but you get my point.

So…today it is with much sadness I find out that Van’s Warped Tour is going to be ending after it’s 24th year. …2018. Right?  I found them in August.  I have been raving about the Tour for months…to anyone that will listen. I blogged about it. And, I am going to miss it. We are all going to miss it.

It was a fantastic place where you could see and meet and take pictures with your favorite new bands.  You could find new bands. And, if you don’t know…..it is a place where everyone is welcomed. I was awestruck as I looked around at the crowd this summer. So many misfits and kids that are hurting – you can just tell. Kids that perhaps do not fit in everywhere.  And, all co-existing peacefully, happily.  I am sure there was some sort of disturbance, but I never saw one. No loud, fighting drunks (almost every rock show I went to in the 80’s and 90’s when I was young and at the most recent Tom Petty – I miss you – show I attended.). Nobody openly doing lines (as I have witnessed in bars and bathrooms). Nobody having sex in front of everybody else (frickin’ everywhere). Nobody using the parking lot like a toilet (bars, concerts…).  Nobody using duct tape to cover their nipples so they can walk around almost naked (Ozzfest).  

I didn’t feel like I had to hide my kids eyes or have 420 discussions about “choices.” This was a phenomenal concert experience that I am sorry will be ending.  Really sorry.  I will definitely be attending the last event with at least one of the teenagers I live with. And, I will not be “rocking out at Warped until I’m in a wheelchair.” as I threatened to do when we left after the last band this summer. Bummer.

I would also like to give a huge shout out to Kevin (of course your name is Kevin…..) Lyman….Van’s Warped Tour Founder. What a fantastic escape you created for kids of all ages. I was completely impressed with the quality of bands, performances, and equipment.  The whole “Parent Tent” – genius….if the idea was not yours, you executed it quite well. I didn’t spend much time there as I attended for the music….but, what a grea tidea for all these helicopter parents.  And…I did love the A/C!!!  I also loved that as a parent of a teen concert goer, you could obtain a free ticket to bring them in to supervise—– fantastic way to keep some peace at your concerts and for your fans…and..some of us don’t have a lot of $$$. This allows us to attend with our kids who may not be old enough to go on their own.  Also….and, last thing….the ticket prices were ridiculously reasonable…again…THANK YOU.

I am sad, but I will see you next Summer.

Let Them Eat Cake

“Let Them Eat Cake” is a famous phrase. If you haven’t heard it….look it up.  Much has been made of what it means……but, short version….words uttered hundreds of years ago by some bitchy nobility wife. Their subjects were hungry/poor and they were having a lavish party…somebody pointed out dichotomy to her and she spat out those four words. So…was she saying….”fuck them” or, “oh…let’s share the cake” because she was so clueless and removed from real life?

I don’t know.  I also say I am not going to get political on this blog. And, while this is not political, per se…it is a huge hot button right now. I just spent a beautiful wine filled weekend in the Napa Valley with 3 married friends of mine.  These women are all married to the men they met in college. While they may not all be college grads, their spouses and all of their Gap Kids children are.  All of them live in country club neighborhoods and play tennis.  Only one gets botox, though.

We were discussing “white privilege”….well…that is the topic I was hoping to discuss. I wanted to know how they felt about. Did they think it existed. Did they agree? Disagree? Did they have a solution? It is a topic in their conversations?  I have no idea…..we never got that far.  

The most vocal of the 3 basically (I am skipping a lot) told me that if I did not have a solution, I should not express my opinion.  Wow!  I wasn’t saying we had a problem. But, we definitely have a problem. Or, I do. When did my friends all become so closed minded? When?  I have been noticing it more and more lately.

It seems to coincide with the changes in my life….divorce, writing, retirement planning. I keep saying that I am in a different place in my life. And, I am. Did I want to be a single, divorced mother of 2 who had to construct a whole new life? Did I want to struggle as hard as I did? The answer is….FUCK NO!!!!  But, I did. And, here I am. Better for the experience. At least, I think I am better. And, I am not jealous of my friends. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I did. But, my life plan is ever changing. I don’t have the luxury to know right now that I am set for the rest of my days or how I will be spending them. My kids are still teenagers….hopefully I won’t be doing Glamma duty for a long time. Big changes still in my future. For years, the “loss” of my “life” was devastating. Now, I am grateful. But, I didn’t get here magically.  

The truth is…..I am fired up.  But not about white privilege. Or about what happened to me. I’m fired up because I’m sad that some people see no reality other than their own. I’m fired up because people I know and love are so narrow and closed minded. I have not made any drastic changes…I still think the some things. I am just willing to go beyond my own experience now. It’s funny. Here I go again…..wishing Mom was alive so I could call her and give her vindication.

When I was in my early 20’s…okay….my mid twenties, I made some changes. I quit going to post-grad school. I quit making “rocker” bars the center of my life (coincidence? I think not). It was not easy…I was fighting with my friends…sort of like now. I must have been venting (in my twenties that looked like a minor tantrum) to my poor mother. She said…..”Bianca, sounds like you are growing up.”  To which I stomped my foot and replied, “I thought I was already grown up?!” – yes….irony.  I see it. I saw it then, too….

A therapist later told me that we can grow through “growth spurts” like that for our entire lives.  Which sounded scary stupid at the time. Those spurts caused great pain. But, now…..so thankful for them….means I am alive and still changing and growing. A Rolling Stone…..so to speak.