You Have Arrived!

Today, I found my answer to the question, “What do you do?”  My answer now is: “I use Google Maps everywhere I go because when I reach my destination, Google maps says, ‘you have arrived””

I love that! I have arrived. I love hearing it and it makes my day. Simple girl, I know.

And it solves my issue of whether or not to respond with my boring job or my exciting, fun erotica job.  I mean, really, why should anyone get all the good stuff in the first few minutes? They should have to work for that shit.  

When I thought of that last line, it amused me, so I left it. But, now that I think about it, I have changed some things in my experienced years. I no longer treat each new person I meet as a friend. I treat them like a potential friend. While this may be second nature for some, it is a new skill for me. I really pay attention to who is asking me questions, what types of questions they are asking, and how they respond to my answers.  I have learned a ton. 

A few weeks ago, I was in one of my local haunts when the bouncer (younger, hot, studly) approached me to compliment me on my outfit. I have known him for years, he is always pleasant and calm.  We have never exchanged names or numbers, but we have said hello.  And, the one time Jamie (partner in crime) decided to bring her own alcohol, he was very nice.  She had it in an opaque water bottle. She, like me, hates being invisible and waiting to get served. If I’m going to take my own alcohol, though, I would drink it in the bathroom. Or in the car.  Not Jamie. It was hot. And she thought we could stand 3 feet to the right of the door and that would be okay. I was trying to subtly tell her this was not okay when Younger, Hot, Stud walks over and says, “Ladies. C’mon. Really?”  She acted dumb and I just stood there wishing I had a beer.  He gave her a little lesson about where to drink her alcohol and never one time said anything like, “at your age…” And, you should know, Jamie is no fool. She finished her drink while he was being polite.

I was shocked at the compliment, though, as he had never done this before. Even my PIC looked up from her phone. I thanked him and he got called to duty. You know, drunk people aren’t the most responsible group.

About 10 minutes go by and he circles back. And, he says to me, “I’m sorry. I got called away while you were answering me. What were you saying?”

What? I can honestly say I cannot remember anyone ever doing that to me before. I sure noticed. I am looking forward to our next trip to that place and hope to raise a little cain while I am there. (wink, wink, Jamie)

I am used to being ignored. But, not only was I not invisible in this instance, I was center stage.  My “Invisible” blog generated a slew of emotions in my readers. So many who feel like me.  Invisible.

It seems like the universe has been telling me for a long time……why you gotta make things so difficult?  So, I’m not. Just like I have said before. After today I am through running after things. The ice cream man can go fuck himself.  Okay. I didn’t say it originally. But, it’s funny. Really, though. I’m done.  I’m done being sad I don’t get to hang out with my friends as much as I would like, so I’m making new friends. I’m done worrying about my teenagers hating me – they are supposed to and, to be fair, sometimes the feeling is mutual. I’m done talking to people who don’t listen. I could go on and on…but, do you get my point?  I am going to be interested in the people who are interested in me. I am going to do the things that I love with people who love it too. I quit caring what people think years ago. Now, I choose to do what is easy.

So, not only did I let go of something else, I moved forward in another direction. Not only is it easy, it doesn’t rob me of any joy. So, happy marches on. And, I don’t feel invisible anymore. If you don’t see me, I will find more who will.

I am Invisible

I am so fucking tired of being invisible.  And, you know what…I have news for you young people….you are fucking stupid.  And, here is why……

I’m older…..probably older than your parents. Not only have I been around the block a few times, I learned some things walking, driving, and running around that block. Like, how to tip. How to appreciate good service. And, what good customer service is.

So…..a few years ago, I decided to finally just call a truce with my hair.  I wanted, once upon a time, to have long, thick, curly “rocker-bitch” hair.  I wasn’t born with it and no matter how much money or time I spent….I was never able to achieve it. And, no, I never tried extensions….because….well….because.  I am a firm believer in “what you see is what you get.”  I will not swear more once I get to know you.  I will not dress less once I get to know you. I did not stuff my bra when I was a kid…..and now…well…..  Anyway…..this is me. I am still going to voice my opinion about whatever. I don’t have time (seriously….over half my life is over) to be something I am not. I no longer care if I impress people or not….which is the topic of another blog….about why being my age is so fantastic.

Anyway…..I started going gray in my late 20’s…..thanks, Dad (he was fully gray by 40…but, really, he had this beautiful white hair.  White.)  Finally…..luckily? For me…a new trend appeared about the same time I decided that I was no longer going to piss away money to hide the gray. My stylist had been begging me for months to do it.  So, I did.  And now, I have a full head of white hair with silver streaks…..it is gorgeous (I know this because I get a ton of compliments on it from others…some even asked me how I got it that color). And, it is easy and cheap.  But…..it and my age I suppose, have taken me to that invisible place.  

So…once again….I am in the best place in my life that I have ever been.  I am happier than I have ever been.  I am the best version of myself I have ever been….and, nobody gives a shit. I get it….I’m not young and hot anymore…..I get it. But….I am a better friend and lover than I was when I was young and hot….I have learned a TON about life and sex since I was young and hot.  And I don’t know if I was ever really “hot”…but, I was young…..and thin.  And got some attention.  But, now….(I was going to say I can’t even get arrested…but, I no longer want to and was not arrested back then either….although I have spent some time in the backseat of a police car)…now….despite big tits, a big mouth, and white hair…..I get no attention. I have to wait forever to get a drink at the bar. The men have stopped flirting and trying to pick up on me (okay….not really fair….there are just less of them now). Cinderella was right….you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. I finally understand what my Dad has been saying my whole life: youth is wasted on the young. I say it all the time now, too.

And…I can only see this getting worse as I grow wrinkles and a stooped walk. I will become further and further away from 25…..(shit…I’m closer to 75 than 25….fuck me...)  I will have to bring my own flask to bars, I guess.  Can you see it now…..I pull out my flask (because I guarantee some young waiter or waitress will see that)….and they come over to try to take it away or tell me I can’t drink from it in their bar?  Can you imagine? Because I see me (and everybody my age and older)…..dumping all of our frustration from this unwanted cloak of invisibility onto this unsuspecting ageist…..here is what I will say…”fuck you, you fucking fuck…..and then I am sure I would continue to pour all over her to make up for all the times I was ignored or not seen. Of course….this could be the fun part of being old and invisible.

This is why old people are grouchy…because they can be, they are driven to be, and they have a right to be. All you little whippersnappers better look out…….