So……I am in this ongoing battle to rid the 13 year old boy of video games and his addiction to glowing boxes. His dad and I kept him away from game boys and home video systems (except wii – that will probably put him in counseling later) for a long time…..5th Grade…..so, I thought we wouldn’t have any of these issues…after all….the girl likes her phone..but, she is not addicted. I am going to skip to the good stuff……really.
The boy is supposed to park his phone on the kitchen counter when he goes to bed. When I notice it is not there….I go in search of it…..for a while it was easy to catch my son on his phone in his room. He usually closed the door. Then he got good at listening for me to come down the hall and better at predicting when I would “surprise” him with an open door. I let him win very, very occasionally…cuz, the game is a little fun. Plus…confidence makes kids stupid. Last night….I was going to win. And I did. Boy, did I “win!” I took the phone away last night and went downstairs. I didn’t actually “win” until the next morning.
Irritated, I decided to not charge it and to take it away for a week or so. But, a few minutes later boy comes down stairs and reminds me how difficult it is to locate him when he doesn’t have a phone. Whatevs. I went to bed.
Next morning, I am racing out to work and realize the girl didn’t have school. I decide to set the alarm on my sons phone and put it in his room so he wasn’t late for school and also so I could locate him at his game later in the day. As I used his password (it might seem like I hardly parent my children….not so…I have passwords and full access to their electronics.) to unlock the phone….something catches my eyes. They got really big and I immediately turned the phone to dark.
Then I thought….”Wait a minute….I’m an adult….I can look at porn.” —– I know…believe me, the behavior and the irony are not at all lost on me. So….I open it back up and sure enough….my innocent 13 year old boy is looking at porn on his phone.
Newsbreak: OF COURSE HE IS!!!!!! So….I decide to investigate a little….15 minute video? WOW!!!!!! I skipped around through it….and discovered….just normal upper middle class white vanilla stuff…..no tatts. No fake tits. Just Girl on top, Girl giving blow job. Normal. Normal Stuff.
So….While I was not devastated or immediately concerned or freaked out…..It was still a surprise. This is normal stuff. Normal behavior for anyone….especially for a 13 year old boy. I could blog about this morning for hours…but, I’m getting to the next part. I called a friend…who has boys….for support and advice. I wanted to ask her about a friend she had recently mentioned whose son was addicted to the internet and what they were doing to help him. And, she dropped this…….her friend….her son is 13. He is not just addicted to his phone and the internet…he is addicted to porn. He is depressed, on medication, in counseling and it has really effed his young life up.
And, just like that….sirens go off in my head. How many of my friends have sons who are/were “addicted to video games.” Okay…before I call all of my friends lying bitches…..I am sure that most of my friends whose sons “were addicted to video games” were. But, among all the people I know….someone just had to have a kid who was addicted to video porn…not video games. You know. I get it. Who wants to admit this stuff about their kid? Who wants to admit that they have failed as a parent?
Well…..news flash scaredy cats……share your stories…we could learn. Maybe the world would be a more forgiving place. And…maybe you could help another parent avoid some of the pitfalls of parenthood. Or…maybe, just maybe….you might find out you are not the only one. You might make a friend. Learn a new coping skill. Hear a new idea. And…by the way……you have not failed. Parenting is a marathon event. Make a mistake. Fix it. Move on. Love your kid.
I do not think my kid is addicted to porn…..but, I am definitely going to have to put the kibbosh on this. I cannot wait to hear the “truth” as I share my story with my friends. I am sure you will be reading about it.
2 final random thoughts…..I am going to stop bitching about my friends not supporting my passion…..because if they don’t read my blog, they can’t get angry when I write about them. And….it occurs to me….I never have had a problem sharing my story (okay…took me awhile to get comfortable telling people I write erotica….) and that may stem from my habit of seeking people out and finding out what we have in common so we can interact. Maybe others are more aware of their differences…than the things they have in common.
This is exactly the sort of thing I both dread and expect in the coming years. My kids are 7, 5, and 5. Nope, we are guaranteed fuck-ups as parents. But we can still try in love and hope that we’re doing what we need to do to keep our kids from becoming inept, inconsiderate assholes. Thanks for sharing. xxxxx
Ha! I also wrote: Teenagers are Assholes! http://biancaahonen.com/teenagers-are-assholes-1/
I love my kids. They delight me every day. I thought I was prepared for teenagers. Nope. I have never “worked” so hard at something I fail everyday. Or that’s how it feels. Whenever I’m struggling with them, I remind myself…doesn’t matter what I do or how good of a parent I am….kids still gonna end up in therapy blaming me….haha. Then I drink wine and blog. Thanks for reading! We are not alone!