Let Them Eat Cake

“Let Them Eat Cake” is a famous phrase. If you haven’t heard it….look it up.  Much has been made of what it means……but, short version….words uttered hundreds of years ago by some bitchy nobility wife. Their subjects were hungry/poor and they were having a lavish party…somebody pointed out dichotomy to her and she spat out those four words. So…was she saying….”fuck them” or, “oh…let’s share the cake” because she was so clueless and removed from real life?

I don’t know.  I also say I am not going to get political on this blog. And, while this is not political, per se…it is a huge hot button right now. I just spent a beautiful wine filled weekend in the Napa Valley with 3 married friends of mine.  These women are all married to the men they met in college. While they may not all be college grads, their spouses and all of their Gap Kids children are.  All of them live in country club neighborhoods and play tennis.  Only one gets botox, though.

We were discussing “white privilege”….well…that is the topic I was hoping to discuss. I wanted to know how they felt about. Did they think it existed. Did they agree? Disagree? Did they have a solution? It is a topic in their conversations?  I have no idea…..we never got that far.  

The most vocal of the 3 basically (I am skipping a lot) told me that if I did not have a solution, I should not express my opinion.  Wow!  I wasn’t saying we had a problem. But, we definitely have a problem. Or, I do. When did my friends all become so closed minded? When?  I have been noticing it more and more lately.

It seems to coincide with the changes in my life….divorce, writing, retirement planning. I keep saying that I am in a different place in my life. And, I am. Did I want to be a single, divorced mother of 2 who had to construct a whole new life? Did I want to struggle as hard as I did? The answer is….FUCK NO!!!!  But, I did. And, here I am. Better for the experience. At least, I think I am better. And, I am not jealous of my friends. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I did. But, my life plan is ever changing. I don’t have the luxury to know right now that I am set for the rest of my days or how I will be spending them. My kids are still teenagers….hopefully I won’t be doing Glamma duty for a long time. Big changes still in my future. For years, the “loss” of my “life” was devastating. Now, I am grateful. But, I didn’t get here magically.  

The truth is…..I am fired up.  But not about white privilege. Or about what happened to me. I’m fired up because I’m sad that some people see no reality other than their own. I’m fired up because people I know and love are so narrow and closed minded. I have not made any drastic changes…I still think the some things. I am just willing to go beyond my own experience now. It’s funny. Here I go again…..wishing Mom was alive so I could call her and give her vindication.

When I was in my early 20’s…okay….my mid twenties, I made some changes. I quit going to post-grad school. I quit making “rocker” bars the center of my life (coincidence? I think not). It was not easy…I was fighting with my friends…sort of like now. I must have been venting (in my twenties that looked like a minor tantrum) to my poor mother. She said…..”Bianca, sounds like you are growing up.”  To which I stomped my foot and replied, “I thought I was already grown up?!” – yes….irony.  I see it. I saw it then, too….

A therapist later told me that we can grow through “growth spurts” like that for our entire lives.  Which sounded scary stupid at the time. Those spurts caused great pain. But, now…..so thankful for them….means I am alive and still changing and growing. A Rolling Stone…..so to speak.

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