I Hate Myself for Loving You

I hate myself for loving you

Can’t break free from the things that you do

I wanna walk, but I run back to you

I hate myself for loving you

Do you think Joan Jett wrote this song about my one true love? I’m pretty sure she didn’t, but the song fits. My love is dark and cool and effervescent. Literally. You see, I am hopelessly devoted to Diet Coke. Everybody drinks coffee. Not me. I like my caffeine cold and carbonated.

Yes, I know it is poison in liquid form. It has no nutritional value. It doesn’t even give me a buzz – caffeine or otherwise. There is no logical reason why I continue to drink it – other than addiction. And, I get no high from this. None. I mean, I love the way it enters my mouth – cold, bubbles, and deliciousness splash on my tongue in a rush as my heart does a little happy dance. Yeah, sounds like addiction to me.

My preference is Diet Coke – but, really any fountain diet soda will do. In a pinch, I will drink a can (or one of those plastic bottles), but my preference is from the fountain. After that, my next favorite is diet Shasta lemon lime (better than 7up which it is emulating) and then diet 7up. Then Diet Pepsi. If there is Diet Coke in the fountain, it guarantees an empty cup – I usually don’t finish if my cup runs over with something else.

My obsession has been going on a long time. 25 years ago when I met my future ex-husband, I knew we were meant to be when on one of our early dates. We were in his car. I announced that I was thirsty. Instead of taking me to the nearest drive through, he pulled in to an am/pm. I was elated. I thought he would get a can. As I made my way to the fountain soda machine, he seemed to be following me. We both reached for 32 oz cups (remember – this was 25 years ago – not all fast food had sodas this large and McDonald’s hadn’t even started their $1 drink specials) and we both filled our cups with diet cola – Coke for me, Pepsi for him. I knew then – true love. Don’t judge. I’m a lot smarter now.

Years ago – I wish I could remember when (click here for the answer to this and some other interesting information) – McDonald’s came out with their “big” straw. This and this alone caused me to start drinking more soda – seriously. That big straw could deliver more of that cool, bubbly lusciousness to my tongue…..yum. Instead of going through other drive throughs, I would look for a McDonald’s like some sort of crazy drug addict. And, then something surprising happened – I realized that McDonald’s Diet Coke was the right mix of bubbles and syrup. Back in the day – with co2 cans and syrup cans (then boxes) getting the right mix was not easy – I know this because that was one of my jobs in my first job – measuring the mix of soda and syrup.  Now, it is probably more automated, but then – crappy sodas were everywhere. Too much soda – not enough flavor. Too much syrup and not enough bubbles equals flat soda which is icky. I ordered Diet Coke after Diet Coke at McDonald’s and every single one of them was perfect. I expressed this to husband (the Diet Pepsi guy) and he conducted his own research. This became one of the only things we ever agreed on. Not kidding. McDonald’s has the best Diet Coke.

And, then you know what McDonald’s did? They made those sodas $1.00. A dollar! That is like free delivery of drugs to your door. Oh – yeah – they already do that in CA. But, I digress. Really – when the soda is perfect and the straw is big and the price is a dollar? I can’t drive by without doing that. I try. So help me, God – I try. I keep trying to stop – but, I love it so much.

I can’t quit you , Diet Coke.