My Thoughts on Cake

via Daily Prompt: Cake

I have a LOT to say about cake. But, first you should know that I am not a fan. And…..I do not care if your cake is the “best” cake ever made by anyone for anything. I do not care if you make it from scratch. From your Grandmother’s recipe and she was Betty Crocker’s secret lover and baking assistant. I do not care if it is all organic. Or if it is loaded with things so good for me that one piece could prolong my life. I do not care if it is loaded with all things delicious, but bad: sugar, butter, white flour. I do not care if it is fruit cake (apple or carrot). I don’t care what it is “filled with” or how “moist” it is.  A funny friend once insisted, “But, it isn’t even like cake.” Whatever the fuck that means. Doesn’t matter. I do not like cake. I could go on like a Dr. Seuss book…but, you get the picture.

Before you say, “but, I make the best frosting,” it is not the frosting I object to….although I have thoughts on that, too. Frosting is the least offensive part of the cake for me. I don’t hate it….but,  I could live without it. Most store bought frosting feels like I have just put a spoonful of Vaseline in my mouth. When I was 22 and on my own, a spoon and a can of frosting were my companions once a month…..but now…..yuck. Homemade frosting can be good…..but, once you put it on the cake….ruined and wasted.

“When are you going to go cake tasting for your wedding cake?” I admit, when I first was asked this question, I thought, “I have to do what?” Crap. That is right…..gotta have cake at a wedding. Or, do I?  Well, I was married years ago….that is what you did. And, when I asked around for alternatives…..nobody was on board. Including Mr. First Divorce (there won’t be a 2nd divorce because there won’t be a 2nd wedding…but, thought that was funny way to describe him). So, I compromised….sort of. We had chocolate cake with some sort of “yummy” filling and fudgy, chocolate frosting. I had a bite of it, because you “have” to…..but, it wasn’t “yummy,” I didn’t love it, and didn’t save any for our 1st Anniversary. Of course, that was a “joint decision.” And, a blog post for another day.

I have found some fantastic “alternatives” on occasions where cake is “required.” (And, yes…I am going for the “Most Air Quotes in a Blog Post” Award). Brownies, cookies, ice cream have been combined in different configurations for the “Big Things.” (This air quote thing is fun!). You can definitely put candles on brownie ice cram cake or an ice cream cookie sandwich. If I could re-do my wedding cake….I would have it made out of Oreos. My Future Ex-Husband would have objected to that, too. And, to be fair……our guests would have found it strange, too.

There is one thing I like about cake. Cake is a band from Sacramento. They have been around a while. They have some cool tunes. “Rock and Roll Lifestyle” is the first song I always think of. They are the Cake/cake (I am probably missing an air quote opportunity) I like most  and I am a fan….but, you have probably guessed they are not my “favorite” band.

You know what I am going to say next…..you can have your cake, and you can eat it too.

Check out this sexy read (there is no cake in it…..)

But there is Cake here….  Cake

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