Another Masturbating Blog

Welcome, everyone, to another edition of “Bianca’s Blog Writes Itself!”  Today….I read an article about a new app and “toy that goes with app” that I think is worthy of a blog mention……

Also worthy of noting (nothing?) is that many of my masturbating blogs (I wonder….does that phrase work?  I’m not sure..you know, it does itself?) begin in other countries….we are soooo puritanical here in the States.  But, I digress.

A British company, British Condoms …..BC has announced that they have almost one million pre-orders for i.Con……a smart condom. I didn’t know condoms could be smart or dumb….

Here is what I want in a smart condom…I’m really not sure how I would facilitate this…but, maybe a color system?  If the guy wearing it is a douche….it lights up blue.  If the guy wearing it has been with someone else in last 24 hours….red light; last 7 days…..yellow light. If the guy has been with both sides….gray….If the guy wearing it has mommy issues…..purple. If the guy is still trying to figure out his sexuality……..If the guy listens to country music. If the guy washed his hands last….you know….and, it would be great if we could program or choose the questions that are important to us. You get my point.

Here is what it does….it measures thrust velocity, number of thrusts, duration, calories burned…..and, maybe many other things…I had to stop reading.  You know….because this doesn’t sound like a “smart” condom to me. It does beg the question……what are the app users going to do with the information? Put it on their eHarmony profile? Not fucking likely.

And, because you know I can’t let stuff go and nobody EVER gives me enough information, here are some of the questions that immediately come (writing erotica makes words so much more fun)  to mind. Smart British Condoms…..do they make you British? Can only Britts wear them? Can these condoms go only in Britts? Can only Britts come while wearing/receiving? I could go on and on and on……

Why do they always make stuff for men?  Stupid. So much is wasted………who cares about his thrust ability (or whatever that thing measures)? Certainly not any woman I know.  Can you get the job done and do you take care of me?  Those are the real questions.