People, I Miss You

A year ago today I was one day out from my 4th and final round of chemo. I was feeling pretty shitty. I know for sure that I told myself that a year from now, things will be totally different. I’ll be back to work and my life will be normal. Life sure has a way of biting you in the ass. I never in a million years dreamed I would be sitting here, working from my backyard patio. On quarantine. With the rest of the world. I am a writer and don’t think that even I could have written something as preposterous as the last 5 months. And everything since March has been completely ridiculous. While I have no idea how this is all going to play out or even what is really happening as we live it, I know one thing for sure. I miss people.

I miss people. I know I complain long and loud about how California is so crowded and I’m starting to get claustrophobic. I also talk about how I can’t wait to get out of here. I’m plotting my exit and planning my retirement. I wax poetic about all the driving we did in Arizona one summer and there were no crowds. I mean it was hotter than Hades, but still, nobody was there. The parking lot at the Grand Canyon was a third full on a Friday afternoon. We could actually spend time roaming in the gift shop. This is something I rarely get to enjoy because – people. Too many. I start to feel like I can’t breathe and I get all panicky and then you know – I’m outta there. 

Last year when I was in a similar exile – I was lucky. I got to have visitors. I got to go wherever I wanted, if I had the energy. But, this. This is bad. Not the lack of freedom so much as the lack of people. I miss crowds. I miss concerts. Especially when it’s over and everyone is herding out and people start to moo. Well, I miss it from afar, right? Maybe I will cease missing it when I do it again. If I get to do it again.

What is our world going to look like when this is all over? Will we still be shaking hands? Do you know how long I have been making fun of Howie Mendell for wearing those ridiculous gloves.  Who’s laughing now? Well, I am, cuz that shit’s funny. Anyway. Will we still assemble in crowds? Will we be able to board a flight without a temp check? Will we be kinder? Or appreciative? More aware and understanding instead of the ridiculous bunch of unfrienders if your political beliefs differ that so many of us have become?

When I started writing this, I had really high hopes for the world. I thought this would bring us closer. Instead, it has become one more divisive thing. Now that things are starting to open a bit, the face masks is what is causing people to throw their gloves down. And, the worst part….it is really difficult to know what to do and what to believe because nobody really knows what is happening.