My Dirty Little Secret

I’ve got a dirty little secret. I am directionally challenged. Seriously. I get lost all of the time. I can be in a drive thru and look down at my phone to read a text and look up and not know where I am or even which drive thru I am in. I can walk in my neighborhood (I’ve lived here 9 years) and decide to take a different way and get lost. I have actually had to GPS my way home, in my own fucking neighborhood. I know what you are thinking – put the pot pipe down – but, that isn’t the problem. Have you seen that video about the lost girl starting a new job? That girl is me. Some of you are probably nodding. Feeling like you have met your spirit blogger. But, some of you might be thinking, “surely, that is an exaggeration. Nobody is that directionally challenged.”

I have been known to have full blown meltdowns when I get lost. This has been happening since the first time in my early 20’s when I was getting on the same freeway exit I got on every day. Halfway down the horseshoe, I had no idea where I was or where I was going. I started to hyperventilate and pulled over. I was bawling and shaking on the side of the road for what seemed like ever. Age has brought me some wisdom (or wise ass dom) and with practice, I hardly ever cry when I get lost anymore. You grin, but the anxiety is real.  

GPS has helped a lot. A lot a lot. Also, having a phone helps too. Looking for a working pay phone when you are already lost and having an ugly anxiety attack isn’t as fun as it sounds. Thank God for my ever patient father who was so used to me getting lost when I left the house, he used to answer the phone, “where ya at, Boo?”  He would calmly determine where I was and give me detailed directions.

When I got married, I married someone who could cite page and block in the Thomas Guide if you gave him a street name and general location. I was expecting the same loving patience. I didn’t get it. I got, “have you checked a map?”  Um, if I could read a map (and, I have tried) I wouldn’t be lost, asshole. The first time I drove by myself to his parents house I asked him for directions. He said, ‘You’ve been here twenty times.” Sure, but we went a different way each time. If I am going there, I go the same way a hundred times and still might get lost. But, I digress.

The funniest thing about this entire story is that I have lived in the same general area for 40 years. I can get places, but my path may seem so different from yours. Which is the 2nd point in this blog.  The first point is, we are all different. Just because you can read a map doesn’t mean everyone can. Just because you can go somewhere once and never forget it, doesn’t mean everyone can. And, just because you can then get there thirty ways, doesn’t mean everyone can.

The world would be a nicer place if we understood that. Some of us are great at math, some spelling, some art, music, you get my drift. We do not all possess the same skills and maybe we should be patient with those who do not possess ours. How awesome that my dad was patient like that. Worked for me.

The second point is really a corollary (maybe not officially, but I so wanted to use that word when it popped into my head). We have different skills, we are on different paths. We will all get to where we are going in the right time. And, we are not all on the same path. It’s okay if we are not doing the same things at the same time. But I still might judge you for simple spelling and grammar errors. Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. I am a work in progress.