Month: September 2016

Wouldn’t it be Nice?

I read a beautiful obituary today:

http://www.eonline.com/news/793677/alexis-arquette-dead-at-47

It was a beautifully written tribute to a brother who became a sister. It was written by a brother. I have no idea regarding the dynamics of the writer and the deceased. Nor do I have any idea regarding the dynamics of this family. It was an obituary that made me smile. So, I reread it. And then as I read it a 3rd time, I realized that with just a few minor changes, I could change this lovely announcement to something that could honor everyone.

Brother Richard Arquette confirmed the news on his Facebook page, writing, “Our brother Robert, who became our brother Alexis, who became our sister Alexis, passed this morning September 11 at 12:32 a.m. He was surrounded by all of his brothers and sisters, and one of his nieces and several other loved ones. We were playing music for him and he passed during David Bowie‘s Starman. As per his wishes, we cheered at the moment that he transitioned to another dimension.”

“I am feeling immense gratitude to have been afforded the luxury of sharing life with him/her, for learning from Alexis, for being the gift of being able to love her/him and to be loved by him/her. He was a force.”

“He died as he lived, on his own terms. I am immensely grateful that it was fast and painless. It was an incredibly moving experience and I am humbled and grateful to have been able to have been with him as he began his journey onward. Thank you Alexis, I love you and will love you always,” Arquette concluded.

As I read it, my mind wandered in thought (I know, it shouldn’t be allowed to go out alone). I wondered if people who objected to the way Alexis lived her life would find the same beauty and celebration in her tribute. I couldn’t help but think there are people in my life that I struggle with. (And yes…..everything is about me…..even when an Arquette dies.) I narrow my thoughts to one in particular. This person is a force.  Lives on their own terms. I wouldn’t wish them pain or torture. I am definitely grateful (not necessarily to them) for everything that they and that relationship taught me (how to make better choices, how to forgive, how to succeed after tragedy, how to overcome homicidal thoughts, etc…..). I don’t wish harm, I am apathetic.  I really don’t care what happens to this person. I don’t care about them. I also do not care for them. How would I write that obituary or announcement?

I don’t like them; I don’t respect them; I don’t like their choices, etc. (it is fun to use semi-colons!  I think I like the “air quotes” better). I do, however, respect their right to exist…..we don’t all have to like each other; I respect their right to make choices; I respect their right to live and die in any way they choose. I could use most of the words above. Maybe leave a few out, maybe add a few. But, it wouldn’t be that difficult to take this loving tribute and make it a celebration of that person’s life. Even if I didn’t consider them a role model. Hell….especially if I didn’t consider them a role model.

Which brings me to the next…….what if everyone treated everyone that way???????? You know, before they died? What if we treated people without judgment? What if we respected people without judgment?

Wouldn’t it be nice? (A fantastic song I would have shared but, the lyrics didn’t match my story)

The obit gave you a positive glimpse into the departed and a positive glimpse into the writer. Everybody wins. Nobody was dishonest. I can’t see where anyone could be offended.  Just some rambling thoughts on a Sunday.

My Thoughts on Cake

via Daily Prompt: Cake

I have a LOT to say about cake. But, first you should know that I am not a fan. And…..I do not care if your cake is the “best” cake ever made by anyone for anything. I do not care if you make it from scratch. From your Grandmother’s recipe and she was Betty Crocker’s secret lover and baking assistant. I do not care if it is all organic. Or if it is loaded with things so good for me that one piece could prolong my life. I do not care if it is loaded with all things delicious, but bad: sugar, butter, white flour. I do not care if it is fruit cake (apple or carrot). I don’t care what it is “filled with” or how “moist” it is.  A funny friend once insisted, “But, it isn’t even like cake.” Whatever the fuck that means. Doesn’t matter. I do not like cake. I could go on like a Dr. Seuss book…but, you get the picture.

Before you say, “but, I make the best frosting,” it is not the frosting I object to….although I have thoughts on that, too. Frosting is the least offensive part of the cake for me. I don’t hate it….but,  I could live without it. Most store bought frosting feels like I have just put a spoonful of Vaseline in my mouth. When I was 22 and on my own, a spoon and a can of frosting were my companions once a month…..but now…..yuck. Homemade frosting can be good…..but, once you put it on the cake….ruined and wasted.

“When are you going to go cake tasting for your wedding cake?” I admit, when I first was asked this question, I thought, “I have to do what?” Crap. That is right…..gotta have cake at a wedding. Or, do I?  Well, I was married years ago….that is what you did. And, when I asked around for alternatives…..nobody was on board. Including Mr. First Divorce (there won’t be a 2nd divorce because there won’t be a 2nd wedding…but, thought that was funny way to describe him). So, I compromised….sort of. We had chocolate cake with some sort of “yummy” filling and fudgy, chocolate frosting. I had a bite of it, because you “have” to…..but, it wasn’t “yummy,” I didn’t love it, and didn’t save any for our 1st Anniversary. Of course, that was a “joint decision.” And, a blog post for another day.

I have found some fantastic “alternatives” on occasions where cake is “required.” (And, yes…I am going for the “Most Air Quotes in a Blog Post” Award). Brownies, cookies, ice cream have been combined in different configurations for the “Big Things.” (This air quote thing is fun!). You can definitely put candles on brownie ice cram cake or an ice cream cookie sandwich. If I could re-do my wedding cake….I would have it made out of Oreos. My Future Ex-Husband would have objected to that, too. And, to be fair……our guests would have found it strange, too.

There is one thing I like about cake. Cake is a band from Sacramento. They have been around a while. They have some cool tunes. “Rock and Roll Lifestyle” is the first song I always think of. They are the Cake/cake (I am probably missing an air quote opportunity) I like most  and I am a fan….but, you have probably guessed they are not my “favorite” band.

You know what I am going to say next…..you can have your cake, and you can eat it too.

Check out this sexy read (there is no cake in it…..)

But there is Cake here….  Cake

Is This What I have Become?

So…it happened today. I was writing a blog post….a simple, funny story about paper towels. About paper towels in the bathroom. At work. The post was G rated in content, R rated in language……until….I had reached the build up (look…..it is happening again…used “build up” instead of something less sexual) and was ready to deliver the punch line. And, instead of a funny story…..thoughts of sex and nakedness and spanking and punishment started to wander into my mind and onto my pages.

Aaaahhhhh.  I am an average woman with a private Catholic school background and a mostly vanilla history. My “foray” into writing erotica was a fluke. A complete accident. I didn’t set out to write or even publish it. And, now……now……that is all I can write? Not sure if that makes me laugh or, or….okay….laugh is my only reaction. Because this is the most preposterous thing….EVER!!!!

Until about 10 years ago….I didn’t enjoy the sex written in books. Most of what I read had short, boring scenes that usually started and ended with “and the lights went out.” I sped through those passages like it was an Olympic event. And, that is if they had sex scenes at all. I fast forwarded most sex scenes when I was watching a movie. I didn’t watch porn. I have always felt that whatever was done between 2 (or more) adults was up to them. I don’t care. I don’t judge. And I really don’t want to know.  When I was younger, a friend of mine returned from a safari trip. Her dog sitter had left one of her personal sex toys behind.  Where did my friend find it? I don’t know. What kind of toy was it? I don’t know. What color was it? I don’t know. What did my friend do with it? I don’t know. Do you know why I don’t know? Because recalling the story as she told it to me made me blush for years. I never asked. I don’t know and I didn’t want to know. And then a lot of random stuff happened. Each and every occurrence dancing me one step closer to Erotica Writer Extraordinaire…….  And, now…..well, you know…..I want to know where she found it; what it was; how she gave it back…….

So….here I am…..erotica ebook publisher and blogger of sex. How did this happen? When did it happen? And how long is this conversation going to bring giggles to my lips? One thing led to another. Tiny little steps or circumstances that gave no indication of where the path would wind to. And, at the time, the path had no direction. There was no “goal”. It was just life. Get a divorce. Get a job. Get another job. Write a love letter. Write a story. Write a book. Because you are having a little dry spell, write about sex. And, the rest is just a slippery slope of being open to new experiences and new opportunities.

It is true that with age comes wisdom….well, it is for me.  I know now that you should just “do” stuff. Try it. If you like it, do it again.  If you don’t, stop doing it. But, it is in the learning of new things or the path less traveled or the “open attitude” that brings the greatest enjoyment. Every experience, every conversation, every decision shapes you and challenges you to change with it. I have been embracing every single opportunity for a few years now. I no longer cringe at the thought of change. Now, I run towards it. I have become a happier, more fulfilled, more joyous, more content, more enthusiastic liver of life than I ever was.  And, that is fucking fantastic.

Today, though, I had to pause. Have I become a part of this world that I am teasing at the edges of? I don’t mind the writing or publishing of what could be called pornographic material. But, I never wanted to become part of the “business”. Is that what I am now? Part of the business? My younger, reluctant to change self, would have spent the next several days agonizing. Wise, experienced Bianca says…….FUCK IT. Don’t waste the worry. You are not going to become someone your children won’t recognize. I have been though some life and know that I will do only what makes sense to me. I am aware I don’t want to degenerate. So, I won’t. Simple as that.

If I had any lingering doubt, I put it out with this…….who am I? What have I become?  “I have become a happier, more fulfilled, more joyous, more content, more enthusiastic liver of life than I ever was.  And, that is fucking fantastic. ”

Fuck yeah it is.

Check out this sexy read